When is the Best Time to Start Marriage Counseling?

You hear it all the time: marriage is hard work. Having someone in your space all the time can be exhausting. It’s tough to find a balance between taking care of your needs and connecting with someone else.

Unrealistic expectations and lack of communication can set a marriage up to fail. We are taught that we should be swept off our feet. Love should last forever.

But when you’re trying to manage household finances, pacify sibling rivalry and figure out whose turn it is to do laundry, you can end up completely disconnected from the spark that initiated your romance. If you don’t pay attention to your partnership, you might end up feeling as though you and your spouse are roommates and not much more.

You keep this thought to yourself, though. You don’t want to upset your spouse by letting them know that you’re not feeling the love. Stuffing your feelings down can lead to resentment, though, and before you know it, you’re struggling to remember why you came together in the first place.

Is it time for marriage counseling?

Don’t Wait Until You Hit Crisis Mode

By the time you’re angry more often than you’re pleased with your spouse, therapy is probably necessary. However, it can be tough to instill healthy forms of communication within a container that hasn’t been prepped for it.

Approaching the relationship from a place of irritation can make you think illogically. Instead of feeling the urge to cooperate, you may have a strong desire to lash out or highlight the ways in which your spouse isn’t making you happy. It’s tough to come to agreements when you’re experiencing powerful emotions.

Catastrophes usually happen when a small issue builds up until it overflows. Being able to manage the problem before it hits a breaking point is important for developing a relationship with trust, healthy boundaries and constructive communication.

Most experts recommend that couples seek out marriage counseling before things have boiled over. It doesn’t hurt to reach out for help when you are in crisis mode, but you’ll likely have to work harder to smooth things over by that time.

Marriage Counseling as a Preventative Measure

It may sound silly, but going to marriage counseling when you’ve decided to commit to each other may be an ideal solution. You’re still in the honeymoon phase and spend romantic dinners staring into one another’s eyes. Marriage counseling may be the last thing on your mind.

But imagine how incredible your relationship could be if you learned how to set clear expectations and communicate effectively from the beginning. Going to a therapist when you’re not having trouble with your relationship allows you to learn how to express your love for each other. Marriage counseling can help you understand your partner’s love language so that you can fill your spouse up as you’re clear about your own needs.

Regular Marriage Counseling Takes the Pressure Off

Many couples wait too long before they go to therapy. It’s common for one partner to hesitate or refuse to see a counselor. When this happens while you’re already in crisis mode, it can add to the bitterness that you feel.

If you’re already attending therapy, you’ll be equipped with some tools for working through every snag. Moreover, you won’t have to go through the discomfort of admitting that you need external help. You will have established that habit already, freeing you up to focus on the problem at hand.

When your relationship is flowing effortlessly, you don’t have to see your therapist frequently. However, going every month or two allows you to maintain a strong connection with the counselor. It also allows you to address minor frustrations before they become big problems.

Is It Ever Too Late for Counseling?

Love is a choice that you have to make in a marriage. The goosebumps and butterflies that you felt when you met your partner may not stick around forever. Plus, when you’re with someone for years, you’ll go through many ups and downs.

Sometimes, focusing on your career or your kids might seem more important than working on the relationship. At other times, you might feel like giving your spouse more attention.

You don’t have to harbor desire for your partner to make counseling work. However, you have to be willing to put some time and effort into the connection. It’s understandable that some situations can leave you feeling angry, bitter and resentful toward your spouse. While moving past these feelings can be challenging, you must have the urge to do so if you want counseling to be effective.

This desire can exist at any stage in the relationship. Even if you’re completely fed up with your spouse, the yearning to make things better signals that it’s not too late for marriage counseling.

Some powerful emotions that can seem like deal-breakers for a marriage include: • Contempt for a partner • Disgust with a partner • Refusal of intimacy • Criticism • Anger and accusations

It’s not easy to address these feelings when you’re wrapped up in them. Working with a marriage counselor allows you to gain a different perspective. It’s often important to address your own limiting beliefs and impulsive reactions as you dig into the negative emotions that you associate with your relationship.

It’s never too late to try something different in your marriage. Many couples fall into the habit of repeating the same conversation. The script doesn’t change, and the real emotions underlying the situation don’t have a chance to come out.

As long as both parties are willing to seek counseling, they have the opportunity to learn how to deal with the conflict that may have become pervasive in their marriage. Marriages don’t fall apart because of disagreements. They disintegrate when the partners stop engaging and connecting. It’s never too late to seek couple’s therapy as long as you’re still willing to save your marriage.