Beyond Survival Mode: How to Enjoy Family Life with a New Baby

Having a baby is one of the most exciting times in your life. However, the intense emotions that come along with this milestone don’t always feel positive. It can be confusing to bring home your bundle of joy only to feel overwhelmed, anxious and out of sorts.

Let me tell you that your feelings are completely normal. As a new mother myself, I’m in the trenches with you.

The roller coaster of emotions can leak into your relationship with your partner, affecting the very foundation of your family.

This is not an easy time. The newborn phase can feel like a strange sort of survival mode that you just have to get through one day at a time. But if you don’t find your balance, you might wake up when this stage is over and wonder what happened to the rest of your life.

Below are some ways to make sure that you nurture your soul and your relationship with your partner so that you can enjoy family life with a newborn.

Make Agreements With Your Partner

Parenting throws many new expectations on the table. Whether you’ve already found your groove in your relationship with your partner or are still navigating your relationship, you’re going to have a whole host of new subjects to discuss.

It’s incredibly important to have open, clear and honest communication with your partner during this time. You may not realize how many conversations in therapy begin with, “I just assumed that you would…”

It may seem silly at first, but coming up with agreements can help you avoid resentment. Some of your agreements may involve: • Who gets up at night with the baby and when • How much housework needs to get done and what can be ignored for a while • Who will do the housework, and how you can ask for help with it • Who will do the cooking • What time each partner should come home from work

There are no right answers for creating these agreements. However, you and your partner should understand that you may need to communicate even more during this time, and you shouldn’t take suggestions and discussions personally.

Make Time for Yourself and Your Partner

You might feel like you’re dedicating all of your time to your newborn. In fact, so many mothers sacrifice their time for their children that they may neglect their own basic needs, such as bathing and feeding themselves.

Make sure that you’re doing what’s necessary to help you feel nourished, rested and whole. Self-care time should be addressed in your agreements with your partner. Seek help from friends or family if you can. Spending time with a meetup group, like "Mommy & Me", can help you connect with other parents who are in the same stage of life.

While you may be tempted to put your relationship with your partner on the back burner as you adjust to life with a newborn, doing so can leave you feeling like something is missing. Make sure to make time for your partner. You might just cuddle on the couch for 20 minutes every night with the TV off so that you can reconnect. If you’re feeling touched out because your baby is always close to you, perhaps you could do something else that the two of you enjoy, such as go for a walk or listen to music together.

Seek Professional Help

There is no manual for surviving life with a newborn. Because your hormones are shifting as rapidly as your schedule after you give birth, your strong emotions may take you by surprise. Mothers and fathers can both be affected by the baby blues or postpartum depression. Getting an outside perspective from an experienced, licensed therapist helps you navigate this period with grace.

Living with a newborn doesn’t have to be chaotic. You can enjoy this time and allow it to fuel your individual and interpersonal growth with the right support.